Surviving the Cut - Facebook Style

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "Do you have what it takes to outlast, outwit, and to ultimately survive the cut, Facebook Style?"


This little nugget of inspiration comes from a few Facebook posts that I have read this week.  The posts come from some of my Facebook friends and they go something like this....

"I am cleaning out my friends list, if you are still here you know what that means, you weren't deleted."

"I swear to God if people don't stop sending me Candy Crush requests, I am deleting them."

"If you posts to much be prepared to get deleted."

"Time to clean up, some people need to be deleted."

So how am I supposed to take these idle threats? Am I just supposed to be comfortable with them and just sit on pins and needles the rest of the day?  Am I to wonder, was I deleted, did they ever care to begin with? What did I do? Did I post too much? Did I not post enough?  Where did this relationship fall apart?

Actually here is what I think......

I have myself encountered on an occasion a few people in which I clicked right on their little name and hit DELETE.... But this deletion never came from their posts but rather another annoying habit that some people have that I will share on another occasion. 

Other than that I thoroughly enjoy the variety that I have in my Facebook Friends. They all have different personalities.   Some post daily, some post multiple times a day. Some never post. Some are stalkers. I know this because they never comment on my posts however when I talk to my mother she enlightens me on how many people ask her about me and what I may have recently posted.  Just ask me, I will share my friends.   Some are just readers. Some are complainers and complain about everything.  Some are politicians and posts nothing but political stuff.  Some are advertisers. Some are fitness buffs, some are stay at home moms. Some post a lot of pictures and some post none. 

The way I see it is that if you have a page and feel the need to manage it a certain way, that does not mean that the next person will manage theirs the same.  And to get angry is quite absurd if you ask me. Unless they out right offend you in some manner, why not embrace the variety and appreciate it?  That is just my factual opinion of course.

What does anyone care if Peggy Sue posts 20 pictures of herself and yes maybe she does think she looks good? Maybe just maybe Peggy Sue used to be overweight and she lost tons of weight and now she is proud of her accomplishment. Let her boast for a damn minute.  You don't know her story.

And maybe Billy Bob is going through a rough divorce and is lonely and feels the need to vent one night on Facebook.  Do I think that this is the best avenue for venting about your cheating slut of a wife? Hmmmm probably not, however maybe it makes him feel better for a second to get it off his chest and keeps him from going completely insane.  Be thankful no one was murdered. He most likely will delete it the next day anyway after he apologizes to all that he may have been offended.

I heard on a radio station recently that Facebook was linked to causing people's depression.  The depression stemmed from one reader looking at another person's life and becoming depressed because their's wasn't as glorious.  You know those friends that are always traveling, etc.....  Again, this is absurd. You can travel, you can have fun, you can have an awesome life, you just have to make it happen.  And then you can tell us all about it on your Facebook page but only if you feel the need to.

I have been accused of sharing "too much" and I find that rather intriguing as well because these same people accusing me of sharing "too much" come up with some of the most off the wall opinions of me.  If I really shared "too much" then those opinions would be facts.  I share what I want, when I want and how I want.  I decide what is too much.  Maybe they don't share enough.  Just saying.

The mentality behind the whole "delete" is just what we have resorted to as a society. One day we care the next day we don't.  Of course I don't think that all 1217 of my Facebook Friends are really my friends. Quiet frankly if you manage to go through life with one true friend you should consider yourself blessed.  I just happen to have a few more than one.  And of course my life is not over, so who knows they may "delete" me. 

So how do you survive the cut?  How do you make all these cyber Facebook Friends pleased?   I really don't know and I really don't give it a second thought.  But my friends that do posts about deleting friends certainly give me a chuckle.  I think, "uh oh who done made them mad?" 

In the meantime, I will be watching for more of Surviving the Cut Facebook style
with my Heels Kicked Up!

Bikini Tops and Pressure Washing

If These Heels Could Talk they would say,  "When you see me in shorts and a bikini top with the pressure washer out, that is not your cue to stop because you need to chat a second, that is your cue to keep damn driving or be pressure washed yourself."


Yesterday as I tried to relax for half a second in the pool and maybe catch a little vitamin D, Jacob was upstairs playing sniper out of his bedroom window.  As I am looking up and watching him, because frankly every time I would try to look away he would yell, "Hey mom are you watching?" I realized that the house is in need of a little pressure washing........

So I get out of the pool, sling on some shorts and set off to get the pressure washer out of the shed. Four hours later, the back side of the house and one side of the house is done, along with half of the driveway.  Just as I had one approximately three foot spot left of the driveway, I look up and get the living day lights scared out of me..... A man is getting out of his car, coming towards me and immediately starts talking to me, "are you Jacob's mom?"

Well isn't this awkward?  I am feeling a little underdressed for this casual meeting.  And now I am concerned, "What the hell did Jacob do?" Was my first thought.  My second thought was, "are you freaking kidding me?" 

I turn off the pressure washer in effort to show a little respect to hear what he has to say, trying to figure out if I should just continue to stand there feeling very under dressed or panic and run into the house.  So I just stood there.  Ain't no shame in my game.

Meanwhile in my mind, there is still an approximate three foot section of this drive way that needs to be done and I am really not hearing a thing this man is saying.  Please ADHD don't fail me now.  Don't show your colors now.......

He proceeds to explain that his ex is out of town and is curious if two of his kids can catch the bus at my house with Jacob since one of them is in the same grade as Jacob.  He continues telling me that his other kid will drive the other two to school because one of them is special needs. 

"Damn mister don't you know what causes all them children?" Was really where my mind was going.....

He said since he saw me outside he thought he would go ahead and stop since it was next week that this arrangement would be occurring.  

"Whatever mister, sure all of the Walton's can ride now carry on so I can finish the damn driveway I am losing daylight while you ramble."

He was grateful for my generosity and finally departed ways.  I return to finish the job at hand....... and the pressure washer won't start. 

"Are you kidding me?"  I will not rest until that spot is gone. 

Thank you neighbor. Glad I could help you.  You just contributed to part of my insanity.

I Don't Have a Butt Like J-Lo For a Reason

                             

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "ladies please stop lying to yourselves and trying to take short cuts to looking and feeling better." 

As I was checking my daily news via Facebook,  (by the way can someone please start posting the weather that would really help me out)  I scrolled across yet another post on dieting or how to make yourself look skinny. This particular post was about drinking something that will help your belly be flatter. 

Now I didn't even waste two seconds reading this material because quite frankly I was trying to catch up on the latest scandals, outburst, vents, rants, promotions, confessions, obsessions, and bragging of all my Facebook Friends.  I must say that on most days I am very blessed and realize I am not as crazy as some of them. Just saying.

Anyway, after seeing the title to that post about dieting and making your belly flatter I started thinking about how ridiculous  women can be when it comes to wanting to look skinnier, myself included.    Notice I chose skinnier and not better.  Skinnier does not always mean that you look better and skinnier does not always mean that you are  healthy. 

Nothing great in this lifetime will come to those that think taking a short cut to achieve your goals will work.  Let me give you some things to ponder and I will use myself as an example.  And this is all in relation to what we think we want versus what we are willing to do to get what we want. Of course in this post in means a perfect body.

I think that the female body is a beautiful thing. And I say this without questioning my sexuality at all. I still don't bat for the home team.  I just think all in all women are beautiful.  There are some women that you look at and you think, "dang I would love
to have her legs, or her abs, or her butt, or her arms."  But in order to even begin to have what they have we have to do something we haven't done.  And that is work for it.  Here are some of my, "dang I wish I had that." I will start from the bottom and work my way up.

1. Carrie Underwood's Legs: Good Lawd she has the sexiest legs and if I believed in reincarnation I would love to come back as her legs when I die.  They are perfect.  I don't have legs even remotely close to looking like these because I do not put forth the effort in getting them to look this awesome.  Here is what she does:

Front Lunges with a Torso Twist- Holding a medicine ball step forward into a front lunge. While in a lunge position, hold the medicine ball out in front of the body and twist sideways, keeping the medicine steady. Twist back to the front and stand, bringing the feet together and lowering the medicine ball. Note: Twist in the direction of the lunge. (If you lunge with your right leg, twist towards the right.) This move works your core, shoulders, and legs.

 

Jump Squats: One of the best ways to “force your body to change” is to add plyometric or dynamic moves into your routine. Squat (as if you are going to sit into a chair while keeping your torso straight), from the squat position, JUMP into the air as high as you can, landing back into the squat position. Repeat for 20-25 reps. Great for the glutes, hamstrings, and it also gets your heart rate up.

 

2. Jennifer Lopez's Butt: We all know this famous rear.  And while I have a rather round rear of my own it looks nothing like this fine piece of art.  I don't have that ass or as some may reference DAT ASS because I again do not put the effort in getting it to look this grand.  Not to surprise you but Jennifer Lopez also uses squats and lunges to workout that rear. 

Follow this link and it shares her entire workout plan: http://www.popworkouts.com/jennifer-lopez-workout

Now I also believe that the key to a great looking rear when you have a larger than most other rear, is to pick the right articles of clothing.  You can't hide it so you might as well embrace it's beauty and enjoy the curves you have been gifted with.  Just do us all a favor and let it hang out.

 

 3. Someone With AWESOME abs:  As I was surfing the Internet and looking through pictures for awesome abs, I originally looked for some celebrity pictures.  After not really finding what I was looking for I ran across this picture.  Now this lady has some nice abs.  If I were to have some nice abs this is how I would like them to look.  I don't have abs like that because again, I don't do what is required to get those results.  And yes I have had three children and no I do not believe that is reason they do not look like this.  Again I don't put in the effort.

Since I have no clue  who this person is I can't google her ab workout.  But I did some research on other  ab workouts. And I came across this one:  http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/get-rock-solid-abs




I was going to continue up the body to the arms, but decided to just stop right here.  I think this gives us enough to go on for now.  I do realize that there are certain medical conditions that cause a person to gain weight and makes it harder to lose the weight.  This is not about people being overweight anyway.  It is about doing what needs to be done to get the results you want.

When I look at all three of these women I am not jealous of what they have that I don't. And I don't hate the way I look.  I actually feel pretty confident about my appearance.  I do however know that I could always improve to look better and feel better not for anyone else but for myself. 

At the end of the day we have to decide if we want to do the work to get the reward.  And that is the bottom line.   Just to add a little humor to this post I researched some of the most ridiculous diets that have ever existed.  Number one is actually my favorite.  The the sad part is people actually believed them.


http://www.womansday.com/health-fitness/15-most-bizarre-diets-in-history-106514

 

 

                                             

 



 

No Sense of Humor = You Suck

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "people that lack a sense of humor really do suck." 

I am a very matter of fact person when it comes to business and the serious things of this world.  At no point would you have to guess where I stand on an issue because I have no problem what so ever letting you know.  I am at times thought to be mean until a person "gets" to know me and then the realize that I am just handling business.

There is most definitely a time and place for everything, however I really believe that you have to find a way to incorporate laughter into each and every day.  Without that laughter the world would just be a big blob of frownie faces and nobody likes a frownie face. 

On most any given day you will find me cracking a joke or being sarcastic (in a loving way).  And a lot of times people get me and my sarcasm.  But there are times when there are those weirdos among us that take everything so serious that they wouldn't know a joke if it slapped them in the face. 

I recently had an encounter with an individual. I didn't know him and had never met him.  He happened to be acquainted with two people that I happen to know and have known for a long time.  They have witnessed my humor and sarcasm.  They have laughed at my humor and sarcasm.  They themselves have been humorous and sarcastic with me, in which I returned the favor and laughed a long. 

During this encounter he asked me for something that he had been sent to retrieve and I "sarcastically, jokingly said, "tell blah and blah to take a chill pill or I will roll their house because I know where they stay. "  He laughed at me. I even said, "I'm just joking as soon as I have it in my hands I will get it to blah."  "And by the way, tell them both I said hey and I hope to see them soon." 

Well apparently his little laugh was a fake laugh. Which by the way don't fake a laugh just to attempt to make me think you got the joke or that I might be offended if you didn't,  that in itself is just dumb.


The next thing you know I was told that I had been rude about his request.  

Hmmmmm........ at no point did I tell him he looked ridiculous in that shirt and those jeans.  At no point did I say that his haircut was ridiculous.  At no point did I tell him to take a chill pill.  At no point did I tell him that he was ugly. All of those things would have been rude. 

I cracked a joke.  Since when is joking rude?

People take some things entirely too serious.  I can't imagine living that way. And I won't live that way.  If you find my humor and sarcasm offensive then I find your lack of a sense of humor offensive.

Laugh a little. It is so much prettier than crying. 

Things That Fire Up My Panties

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "some things are just not called for and can down right peeve and annoy the living day lights out of me."

I know I got you all excited by the title of this post, sorry for all you pervs out there this isn't a post about what gets me "fired" up.  What gets me "fired" is not of importance nor any one's business at this moment. 

What I am talking about is those things that down right annoy me, get under my skin, gets me hot under the collar, gets my panties in a wad, peeves the pee out of me, gets on my last nerve.... well you get the picture........ 

So as I am folding the mountain of clothes that my 17 year old son assured me that he would handle, I got to thinking, this right here is something that really gets me fired up.  Then I started thinking about other things that I just have zero tolerance for and I thought I would share with the world.  Some things you may agree on and some things you might think, "what the hell."  I do not pretend to me sane.

These are in no particular order and they all pretty much have the same affect on me.

1. DISHES LEFT IN THE SINK.  Oh this really gets me hot under the collar, especially since this is the year 2013 and we have a dishwasher.  When I was a kid we lived a whole year with no running water and dishes were
never left in the sink.

2. CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR.  Just not acceptable and down right lazy if you ask me.  We own hangars, we have closets, we have dressers. Put the clothes away.  When I was a kid my brothers and I shared one dresser that had 4 drawers in it.  We had no clothes on the floor.

3. A NASTY BATHROOM.  I can't stand it. I find it repulsive.  I know we go in the bathroom and what we have to do there is downright nasty, but I at least want my throne to be clean if I am sitting on it. 

4.  TOOTHPASTE LEFT IN THE SINK.  This goes a long with #3. This will send me straight over the cliff. We still have that same running water that helps clean those dishes referenced in #1, wash all those little germs right on down the drain please.

5.  CABINET DOORS LEFT OPEN.  Really not that hard to close them people. Open, Close, Open, Close.

6.  AN UNMADE BED.  I can not leave my house with my bed not made.  I don't care if I running so far behind and I couldn't catch up if you fast forwarded me into time.  I can't do it. There is not a ounce of energy in my body that will allow this to happen. If I die I don't want anyone to come in my house and accuse me of being a nasty white woman.  They can call me a crazy white woman all day long. Just don't call me a crazy nasty white woman.

7. DUST.  I hate dust and I can't stand if I am sitting and I can see dust on my floor or coffee table, etc..... I will immediately switch from relax mode to military drill sergeant inspecting with the white glove. 

8. TOWELS AND LINENS NOT FOLDED PROPERLY.  How hard is it really to fold all things in a uniform pattern?  How hard is it really that after you fold them properly to put them in the proper resting place.?  Towels with towels, rags with rags, hand towels with hand towels.  Really a simple process.

9. NOT PUTTING THINGS WHERE THEY BELONG.  This applies to the refrigerator, the pantry, shoes, hats, book bags.  The ketchup does not go on the same shelf as the milk.  The bread does not go beside the baked beans.  Your shoes do not go in my shoe closet. Hats belong on the hat rack not my counter.  Book bags do not belong right in front of the door so that I can trip over them when I come home from a 12 hour work day.

10. ASKING ME WHY I HAVE TO YELL WHEN GIVING INSTRUCTIONS.  Well you see I never start off yelling.  I usually start off with, " hey sweetie bring your clothes down and I will wash them."  Then I go to, "hey did you hear what I said, I said to bring your clothes down and I will wash them."  Then it finally escalades into something you see out of a Samuel L. Jackson movie or the Exorcist.  Because once it gets to this point I am yelling, "bring me the damn clothes down here before I rip every one of them to shreds and you will be going to school in nothing but your birthday suit."  (that is really the edited version of the situation)

I realize that in the grand scheme of life what I have referenced is probably not all that important to some and they function perfectly fine with none of these things ever affecting them.  I can only wish for such a day to arrive in my brain. 

Now to hop off of this and go fold the towels the right way. 

Damnit MaMa Was Right All Along

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "damnit my mama was right all along."

Those that are close to me have heard a story or two of mine. They have heard of how I grew up in the country.  They have heard of how I didn't have even a phone until I was 14.  They have heard of how during hunting season (which was year round for my dad) we never bought meat at the grocery store.  The list of stories are endless. 

I always joke with my mom when we talk about the "good ole days" and I say that I am going to bill she and my dad for the therapy sessions. She will say, "ahhhh Angie it wasn't that bad, look at the person you have become, it made you work that much harder."    She is right about that. I do value everything that I have been blessed with.  Nothing I have was given to me and I have worked hard so that my children never want for anything. 

Every now and then my mom will say, "Angie your kids don't know what it is like to rough it." And I always reply, "and I don't want them to know what it is like."  "I want them to have more than I had and do better." 

Here is the deal.... my mom is freaking right....... My kids don't know what it is like to rough it.  My oldest son's idea of "roughing" it is the time when a tornado (yes a tornado) had come through and the power was out and his IPhone 5 was down to 2% battery life.  You would have thought he was a crack head and someone just stole his rock.  He was freaking out... "Mom my phone is down to 2% and I don't have a car charger." "Mom your charger won't fit mine because yours is an IPhone 4." 

My daughter's idea of roughing it is there is no Dance Moms on to watch or her little brother recorded WWE over Pretty Little Liars.

My youngest sons idea of roughing it is that there are no more eggs and all he wants is an egg sandwich.  Or "who took the last of the freaking milk." " Or why isn't Netflix working?" 

Don't get me wrong, my kids are not the spoiled, let me pitch a fit kind of kid if they don't get their way.  Because they know I won't put up with that.  However they know that when they do come to me, whatever it may be, I will do everything in my power to make it happen. 

I was 14 years old when I started working.  First babysitting jobs then of course real paying, tax deducting jobs.  I bought ALL of my clothes that I wore in high school. I bought my class ring, my prom dresses, my Senior pictures, all my shoes, I put gas in my car that I paid $500.00 for  and I paid my own insurance.  Never was I upset that I had to do this.  I did it because I knew it was a burden taken off of my mom.  And quite frankly there is nothing more satisfying then paying your own way.

I know what it is like to have no running water for over a year because the well went dry and there was no money in the budget to dig another one.  But I also know that in that year's time, our house was ALWAYS clean, our clothes were ALWAYS washed, and we were ALWAYS bathed.  My mom made it work.  And yes it was rough. And I really don't need therapy for my years of roughing it.  Looking back it was a true blessing. 

I guess now I am trying to figure out how I can mix up a little bit of what my mom did with a little bit of what I do.  No I don't have it all figured out and I still have my moments.  But at the end of the day, every day, I know that I have given it my all and I can still hear my MaMa telling me that, "one day I will appreciate all that I am going and have gone through."

Damnit MaMa was right!!! 

Walmart Hell On Earth

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "I really have no clue what I want to say, I just know I feel like talking."

Today I ventured out to what I consider one of the most dreadful places in the universe.  I believe that it is close to being what I imagine hell on Earth would be and it goes by the name of  Wal-Mart. 

I freaking hate Wal-Mart.  I hate Wal-Mart with a passion. And I also dislike many of the people that visit Wal-Mart.  They have no shopping class.  What is shopping class you ask?

Well for starters, you don't stand in the middle of the isle having a mini family reunion. You can greet your cousin of your cousin that just gave birth to her fifth baby at church tomorrow.  I am on a mission here. Get out of my way.

Secondly, I realize that Wal-Mart may not bring out the best in every one, but wearing a bra in public is highly recommended for many. 

Please practice proper hygiene. Today as I was trying to get a pack of pencils I brushed up against an individual that clearly had not  bathed in days, possibly months.   There are plenty of rivers, ponds and creeks surrounding us and the last time I checked a bar of soap ain't that expensive.

I do realize that it is extremely hard to quit smoking, but please do not take a toke off of your cig only to walk in the door to exhale every bit of cancerous nicotine you can in my face. I would like to live a little bit longer.  Thank you for keeping your second hand smoke to yourself.

Keep your camel toe and your a double s cheeks to yourself.  Unless you work at a gentleman's club these things really should not be exposed. I really don't have the time to explain such creatures to my young son. I will let him learn them in the locker room.

And lastly, when you are walking in front of vehicles, remember you might think that you are in control, but really your hip and back will never recover from an accidental bump by that vehicle. Move it!!!!