I Could Have Been A Rap Artist

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "I really think I could have been a rap artist, my poetry from high school proves my point."

Today as I was moseying my way home after a long day at the office, I had a revelation. 

My commute is about a forty minute drive.  Some people cringe at that thought and although at times it can seem a little lengthy for me,  I take that forty minutes to reflect on life and all the mysteries that are surrounding us and to take a selfie or two.   

In that forty minutes I will either turn the music up loud or turn the music off, it really all depends on my mood and where I want my mind to go.  Today, the music was up loud.  As I channel surfed looking for one pick me up song after another, my station landed on a rap station.  Now I like most any kind of music and I love artistic, creative individuals and every genre of music has it's good and bad songs, but today it seemed like every song on the rap station was bad. 

Here is why I thought they weren't that great....... the people kept repeating the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over again..... Not only did they do that but the words seemed to lack meaning and depth.... and they seemed superficial..... Each song either talked about a load of money, getting some arse, or bitches be balling.  What the hell does that even mean? 

I like the beat to these songs more than I do the words.  Those words that are repeated over and over again about slapping someones arse, getting high in the club or making it rain on all these hoes are so useless.  I know there are some rap songs that have meaningful lyrics behind them and I welcome them.  The others not so much. 

So that got me to thinking about a poem that I wrote my high school year.  My teacher graded it with an A+++ and wrote at the bottom to "put this in a bible to keep and treasure."  I didn't understand why at the time and not that my words are so much more meaningful than the next person,  but it did seem to touch her in some sort of  way.  . At the age of 18 I was still trying to figure out life and what direction I wanted to head, at the age of 38 I am still trying to figure out a few things, except this time I know what direction I want to head.  I might even become a rap artist. 

Here are the words that I wrote over twenty years ago and not realizing how true they would be still to this day.

I do not see myself as an exact replica of my parents.  However, I do contain certain characteristics that I obtained from them through the process of life:  their eyes, nose, hair, and maybe even their smile.  I even resemble my brothers a little.  But no matter how much my physical characteristics may resemble them, my inner soul is different.  I possess characteristics that set me aside from everyone else. I am: 

The learner of many lessons
The confessor of many confessions
A mourner for the lost 
The money for every cost
The loner of countless days
A person with numerous ways
                             
The light of many paths
The laughter of many laughs
The tears of my friends
The sinner of many sins
A witness of love
The wing of a white dove
The victim of pain
A accumulator of gain
The lover of life
A fighter of my strife
A carrier of burdens
The mender of many ends
A traveler of today's journeys
A worrier of many worries
A forgiver of many souls
An obtainer of my goals
The sunlight of the sunrise
The clouds of the skies
The dawn of the daybreaks
The maker of yesterday's mistakes
The words of every song
The child wanting to belong
The dreamer of many dreams
A mender of my seams
The heart of my people
The waves upon the sea
A believer of many lies
The shouts of many cries
A reminder of the past
The love wanting to last
But most of all I am a gift from above
Sent down with lots of love.
 
I am not just a shadow of my peers; I am myself.  I am only an example of something created through the wonders of love.  I am a speck of hope and wisdom of generations to come.  I am free!!!!

I was proud of that A+++ then and I am proud of it now. 

 

     

Girlfriends Are The Best

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "Girlfriends are the freaking best thing since sliced bread."

As young girls we truly do NOT value the worth of a golden girl friend.   We let our insecurities, territorial behavior and jealously ruin perfect friendships.  We let the male species consume our thoughts and actions and change our opinions of some of those female species that would die for us. 

When I was in the Navy I had an AWESOME friend and her name was Rachel.  In good ole Angie fashion I ruined our friendship.  It was not by jealousy or insecurities rather it was by this survival mode I had placed my self in. 

We were room mates and we were inseparable.  On more than one occasion we were asked, "are you two  together?"  And of course that always came from a curious male that always followed the question up with, "if you are I would love to watch."

Freaking perverts!!!! 

We weren't that kind of girlfriends, although there was this one time in Tijuana a guy was hitting on me and wouldn't stop so Rachel thought it would be the perfect time to tell him, "hey we are together" and then gave me a big kiss on the lips.   That really did not detour his efforts.  As a matter of a fact I think it made him more aggressive.

But that is what I am talking about.... the kind of friend that will do anything for you.  I screwed that friendship up.   She had orders to Japan and I was pregnant which meant I wasn't going anywhere. 

She was scheduled to leave in a few weeks and instead of doing the right thing and valuing every freaking minute I could with her, I separated myself.  I pretended as though we never were friends.   That is by far one of the biggest regrets of my life. I knew her leaving would hurt me, so I did the one thing I knew to do and that was to pretend that our friendship didn't exist.   To this day I wish I could talk to her. I have looked for her all over the Internet with no luck.  Her last name was Kelly so you can imagine the difficulties in searching for that name.  I would say she was Irish...... hahahaha  I loved that girl and still do......

Fast forward now and I am still blessed, but this time I am not screwing it up.  I have AWESOME girl friends.  They call me, the text me, and they  want to be in my presence.  They are all different and yet they value
all of my personalities.  They know when I am up and they know when I am down.  I will never ever put up a wall and shut them out.  I need them more than they will ever know. 

I Was Redneck When Redneck Wasn't Cool

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "my family was rednecking it long before Duck Dynasty came along and they continue in their redneck ways."

A funeral doesn't stop the show.

- If you excuse yourself from the funeral procession that is on the way to the grave site to make a pit stop at the store for a case of beer in hopes of making it back in the procession without being missed, you just might be a redneck.  

 - If you excuse yourself from the graveside service because nature is calling and you head to the trees to relieve yourself only to be seen coming out of the woods zipping up, you just might be a redneck.   

       My 38 year old cousin  passed away unexpectedly earlier this year.   He had suffered many ailments throughout his life and was not in the best health; however his death was a surprise to many. It was especially surprising to those who were the closest to him; his two beautiful sisters, his mother and father as well as the rest of his extended family; cousins, aunts and uncles.  

 

       When I paid my respects that Friday evening, his sisters were speaking with the Pastor about some of the many memories that they shared with their brother....... For a brief moment you could see a little twinkle in their tear stained eyes and a smile brighten up their faces. Of course in true Angie fashion I had to put my two cents worth in and we all started talking about “when we were kids.” We talked about how our awesome Granny would cook EVERY weekend, Saturday and Sunday for the entire family. On any given Saturday or Sunday there could be at least 30 or more people at her house (single wide trailer with no central heat or air and no dishwasher) She would cook chicken, fresh beans or peas, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, soup, biscuits, cornbread, corn on the cob, pot roast, meat loaf, collard greens or turnip greens or both, and the list goes on and on. Needless to say her cooking would put any buffet to shame. Everything was ALWAYS homemade and most of the time from Papas garden. Don’t even get me started on her homemade desserts.

         It was during these gatherings that the small army of cousins could most of the time be found getting into some sort of mischief. We would walk to the river, go fishing or swimming or both, try to walk on a frozen beaver ponds, play endless hours of softball in our dirt yards (we really didn't have that much grass), pretend to make moonshine, play hide and go seek, jump out of poison ivy drenched trees into the river, play with turtle eggs (yes turtle eggs, they bounce), cuss, steal beer out of unsuspecting parent's coolers, cuss some more, argue and fight, but most of all, love, laugh and make memories. We made memories not realizing that 20 or more years later we would be sharing them because one of our own would be gone. Thank God for those memories.

       Now you are probably wondering what all of this has to do with how this story began, with the redneck jokes. Well I shall enlighten you all. My family that would be mainly my mom and brothers think I put EVERYTHING on Facebook. Well that is simply not true. There are tons of stories I could share, however as with everything else in life, it is all about the timing. And God has a funny sense of timing..... I unfortunately could not attend the service on Saturday due to a prior commitment that  could not be broken  that I actually had forgotten all about…. However I was quickly told about the day and as with most Garner gatherings, there was some sort of shenanigan occurring, not even a funeral can stop them.

             My cousin sent me a message  to tell me that even through their tears, they have found laughter and it was because of another cousin and an uncle that they have been able to find that laughter. (I am omitting the names only because I didn’t ask them for permission and I know I could ask for forgiveness later, just trying to do the right thing just this one time though, don’t get used to it people)

             Apparently as the funeral service was wrapping up one of the cousins found it a prime opportunity to head out in front of everyone to make a stop at the store for a little fuel and a drinky drink. The problem is they just weren’t fast enough. As he is making is exit from the store with a case of beer, there goes my cousin in  his final ride to his resting place along with the rest of the family. Then as the family is gathered at the grave side paying their last respects one of the uncles is spotted coming out of the woods after a quick trip to relieve himself, his bladder just could not wait a minute longer.

 

          Now there are some people that would think, how redneck and I can’t say that I would not disagree. But it’s that kind of redneck that my cousin  lived and loved. After all, he was a simple man. His sister said, "this is exactly as he would have wanted it and it was the perfect way to send him off."   She went on to say that her sister wanted to share this story for the world to know about  the family that they love so dearly. And since I love telling stories, I volunteered to help her with the story.

           In my lifetime, I have found laughter in some of the most painful situations. The laughter to me was truly the medicine that I needed. And the laughter that my cousins, his sister  have found is just how their brother wanted it and is what they needed. They have laughed until they cried which is much better than crying until you laugh. As the weeks go by, they will not miss their dear brother any less, they will however be able to look back and reflect on his final days and know that even in his death memories were made

Veteran's Day and TAPS

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "when it comes to the military service of our men and women I am forever thankful."

As with every year, this year I attended the Veteran's Day Celebration they have at the local Middle School.  I have been attending it for quite some time now since I have three children that have attended or is still attending that school.  This year my seventh grader seemed especially excited for me to attend.  That made me proud. 

As usual as I sit through the ceremony and the various components are presented there are instances when a tear or two will come to my eyes.   I try to fight back any tears in order to avoid smudging my mascara. 

When people ask me about my service I am always proud to tell them that I did serve in the United States Navy as a Hospital Corpsman. Then the next question comes; "How long did you serve." And I always reply, "well I just did my four years." 

I am not sure why a part of me feels as if those four years weren't enough.  I almost feel that because I only did four years, never was deployed and pretty much remained at one duty station my entire enlistment that I somehow am not a true Veteran.

The truth of the matter is that,  I am a Veteran  and I am proud to be called a Veteran.

However I will say this, , I realize that my time served is nothing in comparison to the time served  by countless men and women of our great country.  As I stood there and they called out each conflict in which you stood and received your certificate, I was in complete awe of some of the men and women.  There were some that had served during multiple conflicts, was in the line of fire, had been injured, sent back into the line of fire,  and was still alive to be recognized on this day.  They received their certificate as if they were receiving the Purple Heart. 

I felt a sense of peace and pride  knowing that these individuals paved the way so that when it came my time to serve I had the freedom to do just that and I did it to the best of my ability. 

During the ceremony a young boy was prompted to play TAPS and he did it well.   As with every time I hear TAPS a tear trickled down my cheek.  I looked up in the bleachers and knew immediately that my son would be looking at me.  He was.  He knew that TAPS got me in the gut.  Now prior to enlisting had I heard TAPS, I would not have been nearly affected.  However I know the cost and I know what TAPS represents now and I will cry every time I hear it.

I stood there listening, with hand over my heart, trying to fight back the tears and I thought to myself, "I wonder if this young boy realizes the importance of this piece that he is playing?"

Twenty-four notes. It's a simple melody, 150 years old, that can express our gratitude when words fail. TAPS honors the men and women who have laid down their lives and paid the ultimate sacrifice for the cost of freedom. 

I am not sure that all those children in that gym knew that day what they were listening too. However I know that me and all the Veterans that were present knew.  Freedom does not come without a price.

I am thankful that I made a decision twenty years ago to join the United States Navy.  I learned and experienced things that had I stayed in this one horse town I would have never known.  I also met a lot of people that to this day I still call friend.  Many are Veterans now and some are still enlisted.  I say thank you to them all. 

November 11, is Veteran's Day.  Be sure and thank a Veteran.

Conversation Detour Is Not Always A Bad Thing

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "never compromise who you are for what anyone else wants you to be."  

Wow......

I looked and saw that it has been 16 days since I last posted anything.  I guess I just haven't had anything come to mind that I wanted to share with the world.  Well maybe not the world, maybe just a few faithful followers. On second thought they are my world so it all works out.

Why today? What do I all of a sudden feel like I need to share with the world, my world?

Simple but often forgotten. 

The minute you begin to compromise who you are for what someone else wants you to be,  you immediately  start losing a part of your identity and what you were truly put on this Earth to become.

Couple of rules:

1. Rudeness is not acceptable

2. Dishonesty is not acceptable

3. Laziness is not acceptable.

So if these attributes are a part of your core, then I would suggest a little self-evaluation and a plan to change them in order to get yourself on track. And I am speaking to myself as well.

A Few more rules:

1. Politeness is always the best route

2. Be trustworthy and the friend a friend would like to have

3. Work hard, be productive, keep moving and stay focused

I was recently told by an individual that I have an energetic personality.  She proceeded to say that I had the IT factor. She said, "you know what it means when people say she has IT." She also told me in this same conversation that people are either going to gravitate toward my energy and love it or people are going to gravitate toward my energy, like what they see and become less confident with themselves and do their best to bring me down.

What she told me was unsolicited.  I hadn't asked her what her opinion about me and my personality was at all. I hadn't asked about how I looked or felt.    We were actually speaking about business matters when this topic came to surface. 

After the conversation I thought about why on Earth would she feel the need to tell me these things. 

Then it hit me........

I do love life. I love to laugh. I love to sing. I love to dance (although I am not great at it).  I love to work. I love my family. I love my friends. I love people.  I love high heel shoes.   

All of these things that I love bring me so much joy but at the same time have brought me sadness.  I don't like to disappoint people at all and I have realized after 38 years that I will never be able to please everyone. 

My goal is not to please everyone. My goal is to be who I am and be good to those that are in my life.  And at moments I have tried to change who I truly was in order to prove my goodness to these people because that is what they wanted.  In the end, I lost a little bit of me.  The goodness was there all along and it just would have been greater coming from the real me. 


I think my friend must have seen the twinkle in my eye start to fade and maybe felt the need to remind me that the person I am is who I am supposed to be.  That doesn't mean that I think I am perfect with no room for change for the better.

I know that I have room for improvement.  I am impatient, moody at times, and a little bit hard-headed.  But I am also accepting, spontaneous, understanding, and willing to listen when the time arises.  If I call you friend then I damn well mean it. I will not go down without a fight and I fight for those and what I believe in.  And yes I am energetic on most occasions.  I can't help it, I am a passionate person. 

I am grateful for that conversation that took a detour from business to inspiration.  It was just another way of reminding me to not compromise who I am in order to be what someone else wants me to be.

So I will continue on this journey of life with it's little road bumps but I will be wearing high heels and laughing the whole way. 

Beer or Food - It Really is About the Heart

If These Heels Could Talk on this day they would say, "who am I to say the one with their hand out in need is really not in need."

Most of my days are exceptionally busy and it is a given that at some point there will be some level of stress that I encounter.  Of course it is all up to me whether I handle that stress like a champ or a chump. I will not say that the time of the month may or may not play a factor in the champ or chump part.  Yes I admit, we get moody. Just no need for anyone to point out the obvious.

I have three children in which I have equipped with cellular devices   Yes I am aware that 10 years ago this was not necessary and we all lived perfectly fine during this age.  I will admit I do like being able to text or call one of my kids when they are out and about.  One of my pet peeves is for them not to answer the phone if I call, especially when I pay and provide them with this privilege. I own it and I am just letting them borrow it, I just request that they use it responsibly.

As with most days, my youngest did not have his phone with him. And just like true Angie fashion I was running a little behind to pick him up from practice. Of course I have no way of contacting him to let him know this very important detail. 

Suddenly I received a text from a random number and it read: "this is Jacob where r u."  In which I reply, "on the way who is there."  He responds, "McNutt".

I know Coach and I trust Coach so I think I will see if he will just drop Jacob off at the track or field house since I have to go there anyway to pick up Victor and I really don't want to hold the Coach up any longer.   So I text back, "Can you give Jacob a ride to the track and I will be there to pick him up."  

And I get........ nothing.....

So I call Kayla and check to see if Jacob came home since sometimes he will catch a ride, nope not there.  So I call Coach and get no answer.  By now I am a little on the irritated side that my little lad does not have his cellular device. Oh my bad, that is for Candy Crush anyway.......

I get to the school and they are there and Coach checks his phone and says, "oh yea I see where you call and text, I never check this thing." Well I can't be mad at him, after all he was watching over my little lad and I don't pay for his phone. 

I then venture to the pharmacy to pick up my much needed meds, only to encounter a middle aged lady in what appears to be a needful situation. As I am pulling in she and a man are walking in the middle of the driveway, I refrained from yelling out the window or honking the horn and politely smiled.  MISTAKE...... That was her GO BUTTON.

I pull into the drive through and since my little lad and I had the windows down letting our hair blow in the wind she walked right up to the passenger window and asked for seventy five cents to get a drink.
  It was a little hot outside and her eyes were a little blood shot, she might have had the cotton mouth.  Lord knows some know that feeling.  I felt compelled to give her some cash and handed her a dollar bill.

Mind you I still have not received in hand what I was really there for, my needed meds.  I handed my little lad a twenty dollar bill and said, "run into the store and get you a snack and I will be right around."  Meanwhile our new found friend pounced on that and said, "do you have a little more cash, I am hungry too."  Well, she did look a little frail and her hair was disheveled.  I know when I get hungry I too can  look a hot mess.  So I proceed to hand her two more dollars, she replies, "thank you Jesus", and begins to walk.

"Well okay ma'am but I am not Jesus is what I was thinking."

As she is walking off my sweet little lad sprints out of the car and says as energetic as he could, "I have twenty dollars I can buy you something to eat."  She seems very excited about this.  He turns to me and I started shaking my head and mouthing  "no".  But by then the damage was done. He was on a mission and so was she.

By now the lady at the window has witnessed what just went down and has decided to kick her ass in high gear.  I thanked her for being expeditious in her process and pressed the gas.  My little lad had already rounded the corner and was in the store. 

I arrive at the counter to find them both alive and him standing there preparing to pay for the chicken that she had got from the deli.  My heart was relieved and my heart was full.  Neither was harmed and he was being a little man.

Most adults know just as well as I know what she probably really wanted.  But my little lad wasn't thinking anything like that, he heard her say, "I am hungry" and felt a desire to fulfill that need, of course at the expense of me, but nonetheless his heart was right. 

Once we got into the car I turned to him and said, "she probably really wanted beer." And I immediately felt like the cigarette butt stuck to the gum on the bottom of a shoe.

I was taking away from his blessing and her blessing by the words that I had just let roll off my tongue. 

I then said, "you know what son, you did the right thing." "You listened to her and you fulfilled a need and if she was lying about her need then that is on her and not you." 

I could see how happy that little deed for the day made him. Maybe, just maybe in my daily routines of rushing here and there and trying to be everything to everyone that I have taught my children something. 

We can't let other's deception and cruel intentions sway our decisions to do the right thing.  Not everyone is lying and not everyone is out to get you.  Yes I teach them to be smart, make the right decisions and know the difference between trusting and being trustworthy.  My little lad made me proud.

All three of us received a blessing today. 

Damnit MaMa Was Right All Along

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "damnit my mama was right all along."

Those that are close to me have heard a story or two of mine. They have heard of how I grew up in the country.  They have heard of how I didn't have even a phone until I was 14.  They have heard of how during hunting season (which was year round for my dad) we never bought meat at the grocery store.  The list of stories are endless. 

I always joke with my mom when we talk about the "good ole days" and I say that I am going to bill she and my dad for the therapy sessions. She will say, "ahhhh Angie it wasn't that bad, look at the person you have become, it made you work that much harder."    She is right about that. I do value everything that I have been blessed with.  Nothing I have was given to me and I have worked hard so that my children never want for anything. 

Every now and then my mom will say, "Angie your kids don't know what it is like to rough it." And I always reply, "and I don't want them to know what it is like."  "I want them to have more than I had and do better." 

Here is the deal.... my mom is freaking right....... My kids don't know what it is like to rough it.  My oldest son's idea of "roughing" it is the time when a tornado (yes a tornado) had come through and the power was out and his IPhone 5 was down to 2% battery life.  You would have thought he was a crack head and someone just stole his rock.  He was freaking out... "Mom my phone is down to 2% and I don't have a car charger." "Mom your charger won't fit mine because yours is an IPhone 4." 

My daughter's idea of roughing it is there is no Dance Moms on to watch or her little brother recorded WWE over Pretty Little Liars.

My youngest sons idea of roughing it is that there are no more eggs and all he wants is an egg sandwich.  Or "who took the last of the freaking milk." " Or why isn't Netflix working?" 

Don't get me wrong, my kids are not the spoiled, let me pitch a fit kind of kid if they don't get their way.  Because they know I won't put up with that.  However they know that when they do come to me, whatever it may be, I will do everything in my power to make it happen. 

I was 14 years old when I started working.  First babysitting jobs then of course real paying, tax deducting jobs.  I bought ALL of my clothes that I wore in high school. I bought my class ring, my prom dresses, my Senior pictures, all my shoes, I put gas in my car that I paid $500.00 for  and I paid my own insurance.  Never was I upset that I had to do this.  I did it because I knew it was a burden taken off of my mom.  And quite frankly there is nothing more satisfying then paying your own way.

I know what it is like to have no running water for over a year because the well went dry and there was no money in the budget to dig another one.  But I also know that in that year's time, our house was ALWAYS clean, our clothes were ALWAYS washed, and we were ALWAYS bathed.  My mom made it work.  And yes it was rough. And I really don't need therapy for my years of roughing it.  Looking back it was a true blessing. 

I guess now I am trying to figure out how I can mix up a little bit of what my mom did with a little bit of what I do.  No I don't have it all figured out and I still have my moments.  But at the end of the day, every day, I know that I have given it my all and I can still hear my MaMa telling me that, "one day I will appreciate all that I am going and have gone through."

Damnit MaMa was right!!! 

Lessons Learned on the Flint River

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "when you feel like you are about to sink the simple dog paddle may help save your life."

I grew up in Middle Georgia right smack dab on the Flint River.  The Flint River was very educational and I learned many a lesson from its banks. 

I drive across that Flint River bridge twice a day, every day.  And every time I travel over that country bridge my mind flashes back to summer after summer.  My brothers and my cousins and I raised some country hell on that river.

Now I ain't saying that city people can't raise their own kind of hell, I wouldn't know.  I only know what I know and it was far from city living.

I know looking for crawdads under the rocks under that bridge.

I know looking for my own fish bait with my best friend.   I know taking  that fish bait going fishing, getting too hot to fish and then skinny dipping in the river until we heard the convicts working on the side of the road.

I know jumping out of poison oak covered trees. I know hiding beer in the creek to keep it cool.   I know cutting off your best hand-me down blue jeans to make your best cut-off blue jean shorts.

I know my brothers riding my favorite bike off into that river until the chain was rusted. (I loved that bike)

I know floating that river. I know falling in that river and I know making memories by that river.

I also know that sometimes you have to sink or swim in that river.

As with any redneck parent the best way to teach a young lad how to swim is to spend hundreds of dollars on swim lessons getting them prepared for their first encounter with the river.  Okay, not really.   I think the redneck approach is actually quiet effective and I took a few life lessons from my swim lesson. Notice I said swim lesson. It only took me one time and I knew what I had to do.

I was seven years old and I was surrounded by my parents and a few aunts and uncles.  My dad says to me, "okay when we toss you in the air, it is going to be fun, you will splash in the water and how fun is that?" "When you come down you better be paddling for your life because if you don't that current right there is going to take you right on down to Flat Shoals." 

Hmmmmm...... okay.... well this seems like a party I should have missed is what I was thinking. But what  is a seven year old to do.  

So in the air I went and down I came.  SPLASH!!!! Right in that muddy river.  And here is where the lessons come.

1. Sometimes it is best to keep your mouth shut even when you feel like screaming.  It could mean the difference between you drowning or surviving.  You don't always have to open your mouth to be effective. 
2. Don't panic. Take a deep breath. Get your wits about you and keep your eye on the shore and on that spot where you can see yourself sitting.  If you take your eyes off of that very spot, that very place you want to be, you will end up off course.
3. When you feel like it is easier to go with the flow, just remember sometimes going with the flow will take you to a place you don't belong.  It can  sometimes take years to find your way back to where you are supposed to be.
4. Swimming against the current just might make you a stronger person.  It will definitely make you appreciate the times when you can just wade the water.
5. Be thankful for the opportunities you are given to learn something new even when what you are learning  and the process in which you are learning is not your first choice. There are lessons everywhere.
6. And lastly, when someone says, "oh you will love this." It is okay to question the motive in which they are trying to persuade you.  Is it beneficial to them, to you or to the both of you? But also know that sometimes decisions that are made, you have no choice in the matter.  It is your job to process the situation and dog paddle on.  

In my case it worked out for the best. Although I will never be an Olympic swimmer, I am not afraid of the water. I do not know how to dive, nor do I care to know how to dive. I can do a mean cannon ball in which my eleven year old son thinks it is hilarious.  I guess when you are bottom heavy like myself,  you can really make a splash.


The only bad part about the canon ball is you can't wear your best heels while performing this move.

Idiocracy Shows No Prejudice

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "I am sick of people being judgmental of one another based on the color of their skin.  It is 2013 for the love of all things sacred!"
 
The year was 1996. The Month was May. The day was the 26th. The time was 8:14 p.m. It was by far one of the happiest days of my life.  I can close my eyes right now and relive the entire moment.  On this day one of my favorite people in the world entered the world and I gave birth to him.  It was my oldest son. 

My oldest son is half Hispanic and half White.  In that delivery room there were four other people present. The Lieutenant that delivered him, she was white. There was a Corpsman present to assist, she was Asian. There were two precious ladies that could have been anywhere else, yet they chose to stay in that room and hold my hand as I breathed through the pain. On an occasion or two they would tell me to calm the hell down.  Of course that didn't go over too well. They were black.   

Oh and I shall not forget the awesome person that drove me to the hospital.  She was Mexican and still is Mexican. That hasn't changed.

Now why is the color of their skin or the race of my child even relevant?  Well to me it doesn't matter.  However if you would have told me four years prior to that moment that things would transpire as they did, I would say that you were crazy and I would sale you some ocean front property in Arizona. 

You see where I grew up, I wasn't taught to hate people of a different color and I could mingle with them however at the end of the day I should stick to "my own kind."  In other words this picture was painted for me that "my own kind" would be the ones that had my back.  As a child you do as you are told and what you are taught is all that you know.  I knew no different. 

Thank God I left home at the age of 18.  Thank God that I didn't stick to "my own kind." Because had I kept to what I had been taught then I would not have my precious son.  Had I kept to what I had been taught I would have missed out a lot of awesome moments.  Had I kept to not wanting to know anything different, I would have not tried new things. I would not have met new friends. I would not have tried new foods.

And mostly......

I would have been ALL ALONE in that delivery room. 

Because guess what, "my own kind" was no where to be found.

All races have people in them that make you wonder if they have half the brain that God gave a billy goat.  Being an idiot does not show prejudice. 

It is tragic that so many people miss out on great things because they are closed minded to other people because of their race and stereotypes.    At the end of the day you can peel back the skin and we are all made the same.  We all feel, we all love and we all hurt. 

I am forever grateful to those two precious ladies that stayed and held my hand for the 24 hours that I was in labor.  I am more grateful that they decided in my moment of need to not stick to "their own kind."

What I Want My Daughter To Know

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "being a woman isn’t always easy but it is all I have ever been so I don't know how to be anything else."

My daughter is growing up to be a strong beautiful woman.  She is nothing like I was at her age. She is much more reserved and makes better decisions than I did.  (Thank God)  I am very blessed.

I try to be very honest with my children about some of the decisions (good and bad) that I have made in my lifetime. I tell them that I am neither proud nor ashamed at some of the less than desirable choices that I made but thought were awesome at the moment.  I let them know that bad choices always have even worse consequences and when you make a bad choice you better  be prepared for the consequence to follow, and don't even think about pissing and moaning about anything,  remember it was your choice.

Girls can be so dramatic and in my factual opinion are more difficult to raise. Boys seem to just go with the flow most of the times.  Girls.... hmmm not so much. I am glad that I have a daughter and two boys and I wouldn't trade it for all the gold in California.  There are plenty of moments when I get to educate them on the differences in boys and girls.  We are equal as human beings but we are not the same. And when people try to say that there shouldn't be any difference in a man and woman, well it kind of peeves me a slight bit. 

Yes, I believe that there are some things that a woman can do that a man does and vice versa. I am not talking about responsibilities. I am speaking more about attributes. The simple fact is that WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT FROM MEN. We look different, we smell different, we think different, we act different and we feel different.   So with all that being said I came up with my own little (not that little) list of the things that I want my daughter to know. Most of them I have already told her and continue to tell her when the opportunity presents itself. 

Now just as with anything else that I write about, this is me... These are my thoughts. And these thoughts come from experiences, tears, laughter, joy and pain.  And I share them with her so that she may have less of the tears and pain and more of the joy and laughter.

          1.      Be God-Fearing. Pray daily. Forgive often.

 

2.      Waiting until you are married to give up the goods is the RIGHT and the BEST thing to do.  Be the exception rather than the norm.  What you have to offer is special and once you give it away it you can't get it back.

3.      If you do happen to decide to not wait until marriage make damn sure that the person you are with is worth what you are giving.  Again, you can't get it back. Don't give it to a loser.

4.      Yes bad boys will appear to be more attractive, interesting and exciting.  But they are called bad boys for a reason. Steer clear and embrace the nice guy.  Remember my previous statement about bad decisions?  Enough said……I missed a lot of long stem rose oppurtunities because I didn’t like the nice guy.

5.      Never resent the fact that you are a woman.  We give birth to Kings, Queens, Star Quarterbacks, Third Grade Spelling Bee Champs and Olympians. That is pretty darn cool.  No man will ever get to experience that feeling. Without Mary we would not have Jesus.

6.      Never date anyone that you wouldn’t want to marry. That doesn’t mean that the person you are dating you will marry. It means date someone with the qualities that you would want in a partner. You never know who you may fall in love with.

7.      Jealousy is an awful trait to have. It is even worse to be jealous of other beautiful women. There will always be another woman that is more beautiful, weigh less, have more money, be in better shape, etc.... Be happy for them and never compare yourself to them.  Jealousy steals you of your joy. The time you spend focusing on what they have, you could be working on your own self.

8.      Knowledge is power.  Learn something new every day.  Get an education.  And if you become a mother, prepare to educate. 

9.      If you settle for trailer trash, then you will end up with trailer trash.  In other words set goals and high expectations for yourself, but don’t be too hard on yourself.

10.  Take pride in your appearance. Do it for yourself first and foremost.  You will be amazed at how high your self esteem will be simply by carrying yourself with confidence.  Makeup may not be necessary (if you have natural beauty), but brushing your hair and teeth are necessary. 

11.  It is perfectly fine to live with a servant attitude and not think of it as you are a "doormat" in any relationship / friendship.  If you go through life with the “what’s in it for me attitude”, you will miss many opportunities to be blessed and to be a blessing.

12.  Help someone that you know can never repay you.

13.  Be Bold. Be Beautiful. Be Brave. Be Confident.

14.  Waiting for a man to understand all of your feelings is foolish. A man will never be able to understand all the reasons you cry.  Don’t get mad when he doesn’t understand, just appreciate that he is trying to understand. 

15.  Pick a career for the love of that career and not the money that you will make.  If you pick it for the money you will end up empty and miserable.

16.  Travel the world. Never let fear be the reason someone else has your window seat to the world.

17.  Not every person that you encounter in this lifetime will like you even if you are as sweet as Mother Theresa. That is okay. Everyone doesn’t have to like you, just be kind and keep moving.

18.  There are leaders and there are followers. If you are the leader, be a strong leader and set great examples. If you are a follower make sure you have a strong leader that is setting great examples.

19.  No matter what you are doing, give 100%.  Whether it is cleaning toilets, or polishing gold….. Treat all your responsibilities as if they are royalty.

20.  A woman can NEVER have too many pair of shoes, preferably HIGH HEELS. I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE TELLS YOU.  

Last Dance With Mary Jane

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "my kids know a little bit about Momma before she became Momma."

 I am pretty open with my kids about MOST things.  Notice I said MOST things, some things are still none of their business and they will never know about them.  Just as I am sure there are things that they will do in their life that I will never know.

The things that I am open with them about in regards to the good and bad decisions in my life are for no other reason than to hopefully educate them on making better decisions. 

Today I was taking one of my kids to a friend's house and I had another one in tow and we took a familiar road to get to this friend's house.  As we traveled this road I was taken back some many years, hmmmm o.k. about 22 years.  Down this road is a grave yard and that grave yard reminded me of a meeting that I had. 

It was the first time that me and good ole "Mary Jane" met.  "Mary Jane" was introduced to me by way of some of my older brother's friends. Now do not be alarmed, he was only 1 1/2 years  older than I so they too were 1 1/2 years older.

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember them asking if I would be interested in meeting "Mary Jane" and I thought, hey why not, she seems friendly. And when she is around everyone seems to chill the hell out and enjoy some good ole eats.    So since not everyone wanted to meet "Mary Jane" we strolled across the street to the cemetery. 

Absolutely by far not one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. As a matter of a fact it probably runs up there with some of the dumbest decisions, but none the less, I made it anyway.

Everything seemed to be going well until one of the individuals girlfriend arrived to the party and stuck her head through the sunroof of the meeting place.  I was not scared of her at all because "Mary Jane" had really put me at ease about all things at that particular moment.  "Mary Jane" was nice, really nice. 

Thank goodness that the girlfriend wasn't mad at me, I think she knew that my interest was only with "Mary Jane" and not the people that had introduced me to her. We were all just friends anyway. 

I told my kids that I met "Mary Jane" and I never told them that I didn't like her, because truthfully "Mary Jane" wasn't always all that bad, but I did tell them that there came a time in my life that I realized "Mary Jane" didn't have my best interest at heart and therefore there was no use for her to be in my life.  And just to put any concerned individuals at ease "Mary Jane" and I only encountered each other on certain occasions and I never really missed her when she was away.  I just liked for her to come to the parties some times.

I am not sure if my confessions surprise my kids or repulse them, and quiet frankly I really do not care.  I just hope that they make better decisions if anyone ever wants to introduce them to "Mary Jane."

What Lies Beneath

If These Heels Could Talk on this day they would say that, "the power of persuasion can go a long way, even when you don't realize you are persuading anyone."

As most people know, you will not catch me wearing any form of foot attire other than heels.  There are moments when I have to break out of my shell but those moments are way far and few in between.  I love my heels, I feel tall and sexy in my heels.  Therefore that is what I choose each and every day to wear. And no, I am not uncomfortable and I have not broken a neck or leg wearing them as of yet.

What other ladies decide to wear on their feet is between them and their feet.  And yes I will make a statement as to the fact that MOST flats are hideous and should not adorn a woman's foot, however that is my factual opinion and is 99% based on what I am comfortable wearing. 

I did not realize that my factual opinion actually affected what others would decide to wear, until recently.

A co worker of mine came to work one day wearing and awesome pair of heels.  She said to me, "Angie thanks to you every time I try to pick out a pair of shoes I think about you and now it is hard for me to decide to wear the flats."  I wonder, "what would Angie wear."

I actually chuckled at this notion, because again, what I wear and feel comfortable in may not be what someone else is comfortable wearing. However, I could see a little pep in her step.  I think she felt for a minute what I felt, sexy.....

Fast forward to a few weeks later and we are discussing ladies under garments.  We got on the subject by way of talking about how we really didn't like it when you could see the pantie line.  We went as far as saying if you are going to wear something skin tight you might want to stick to going commando. 

In true Angie fashion, I held nothing back and explained that there are only certain under garments that I chose to wear, and I like for them to match.  And I like for them to match for no other reason other than I feel sexy when they do. O.k. and if I happen to be in a wreck and the EMTs must evaluate the situation, I really don't want to look ratchet.  There I said it. 

 What is beneath the clothing feels just as good as the clothing itself. Sometimes it will feel even better.  And it has nothing to do with who or who is not going to see them.  It is all about how it makes the woman that is wearing them feel. 

Now again, my decision to wear pretty undergarments and the fact that I think all women should is my factual opinion and is again based on what is right for me.  However, once again I find that my statement has affected a few around me. 

Today I was told, "now I think I need to go pantie shopping for some new sexy matching panties, especially after the conversation we had." Keep in mind this was her anniversary weekend. I am sure that had nothing to do with all this change in heart.

Over the years I have come to realize that What Lies Beneath is just as important as What Lies on the Outside.  You can be so put together, makeup done, hair to a tee, smile on and the world can think that you are all together but if under all that you are torn, weathered, beat down, burdened, heart broken, angry, bitter, etc... it really does not matter what is on the outside.  Not even the best pair of Heels is going to make you feel better.

And that is one reason it is so important to work on what is beneath before working on what is outside. 

I say that  today all women should choose  to put on their  prettiest panties and bra and celebrate being a beautiful woman.  Do not let the worries of this world break your spirit.  Do not let the opinion of anyone else decide what the opinion of yourself may be, because at the end of the day, you have to look in that mirror.

Think beautiful, feel beautiful, become beautiful and live beautiful.  Being a woman is special. We get to experience things that a man could never fathom. We should embrace that, not get mad at that.  And as always in true Angie fashion, wear your best heels.

Money, dinero, G's, bucks, cash, stacks, fat pockets, chips, dough, the stash, fat pockets, cheese, figures.

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "all of the above CAN BUY HAPPINESS."

They are all words used when speaking of money.

I know, I know..... we always hear the phrase that money can't buy happiness and quiet frankly I think that is a crock of shit. Let me enlighten everyone.

Yes, I know that if ALL your focus and energy is on money that it will not matter how much you have you will still be empty.  It is like no other addiction.  A crackhead looking for the next fix,  a sex addict looking for the next thrill, a gambler looking to place the next bet , an alcoholic looking for the next drink , or someone that overeats looking for their next feast. If you turn to MONEY for comfort, of course you will be miserable. Because at the end of the day, it can't fulfill all your needs. 

But,  when people say that it can't buy you happiness, nahhhhhhh, that is no where near being the truth. 

Ask a single mother of three that has absolutely no idea where the next meal for her babies is coming from if a $20.00 bill wouldn't buy some type of happiness.

Ask a family of six that is about to get evicted from their home because dad was laid off and can no longer make the mortgage if $1000.00 wouldn't make him happy.

Ask someone that has to pay rent monthly for their business and has now been told they will be evicted if $500.00 will not make them happy. 

When people do not have to stress over how they are going to feed their family, keep the lights on and a roof over their head......ummm yea they are much happier.

So again, it is all about intent and how a person uses what they have been blessed with.

I love to bless others with what I have been blessed with and of course, every now and then, buy a new pair of shoes. 

Time Stood Still for Brent

If These Heels Could Talk..... well they really wouldn't talk right now...they would probably shed a little tear.

It is amazing at what the brain will remember.  I know that there are tons of things that I have experienced in my life that I simply can't remember.  There are tons of things that I do remember that bring a huge smile to my heart and face.  Then there are tons of things in my life that I do remember that I wish I didn't remember because when I go there my smile vanishes.

Ain't that a bitch..........

For me, the things that I do remember the most are the ones that were either special, sad, or bad, a.k.a.  traumatic...... The first time I swam, the first time I  rode a bike, my first kiss, my first heartbreak, graduating from high school,  enlisting in the Navy, receiving my college degree the birth of all three of my children, the death of a loved one........

All of the things that I remember bring a different emotion.  However with most of them I can remember the time.  It was like with each experience that I remember the most for that moment time stood still.  The world stopped, nothing else mattered and my life was changed.

Today at 10:40 p.m. (a time to never be forgotten)  it will be exactly eight weeks since the world lost one of it's strongest warriors; Brent Beshers.......... 

Sixteen years old and still full of piss and vinegar, yet he was called home. I know that the moment he took his last breath on this side he was looking Jesus in the eyes.  And Jesus was saying, "Good Job faithful servant." 

I learned more from this young man in his journey to die then I have from anyone that has lived or is still living. 

His parents and the rest of his loved ones still mourn his loss and will continue to for quite some time. There is not a day that goes by that I am sure they do not think of him.  And I know for a fact they are working on projects to honor him. There is a tremendous void that can't be filled by anything else.

Eight weeks is not that long and quite frankly, I can't imagine what each one of them feels.  I am a friend and my heart hurts. 

We walk through life judging how others react to the circumstances that they are handed.  We are so quick to tell the other person how to play their hand that was dealt, yet we can't even decide whether we want to fold or bet.  And for some even with the chance to go all in, they still fold. 

Just because you may react one way to a situation does not mean that the other person will react the same way.  If we all remember this, including myself, we will begin to become so much more compassionate. 

Love a person for who they are where they are at....in my factual opinion we all have a little screwed-upness in us.  You just have to want to try to understand a little bit of the screwed-upness.

Brent is greatly missed by many and we will continue to celebrate his life. 

p.s... he also loved to shop for shoes, which is probably why we got along so well.

People Love to Talk

If These Heels Could Talk  they would say that one of my favorite actors is Tyler Perry and people love to talk.

I love his Madea movies. If he would let me I would love to be in one of them.  Heck I would pick up garbage, scrub toilets, dust, mop, whatever it takes to just be a part of the whole experience.  There are some awesome quotes from his movies.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is this one:

 "It doesn't matter what they call you it only matters what you answer too."Honey, folks are gonna talk about you till the day you die. And ain't nothin you can do.  LET FOLKS TALK. It ain't about
what they call you... it's what you answer to.   Mable "Madea" Simmons

Finally for the first time in my life I am 100% comfortable in my own skin. It has only taken me 38 years and many self evaluations to get to this point.  I realize that I am not the next runway model. I have freckles, wide hips, a chipped tooth, cellulite, stretch marks (thanks to my precious angels, so really those are battle scars), tattoos, the occasional pimple thanks to good ole mother nature, and the list goes on and on. 

All that I just described,  yet I still feel beautiful.  Now notice I said feel and not look.  Feeling and looking are two different things.  Once you feel beautiful then the looking beautiful comes naturally. And no I don't think I am naturally all that and a bag of chips.  Right now I don't look like anything much except a hot mess because I have been in bed sick all day. Even Jacob didn't want me to get out at the school without makeup on he said, "you just go on back home and rest."  God love the woman he gets.   But even with my outer appearance looking ratchet, I still feel beautiful. 

What is interesting in this whole journey of becoming comfortable and confident is that some of those that were closest to me are no longer close to me.  Some of those that saw me at my worst do not want to see me at by best. 

In the past few months I have been called more names by some of those that profess to "love" me than I have ever been called in my whole entire life. (at least to my face) I have compiled a list:  bitch, evil, self-centered, selfish, hateful, vain, awful, loud, mean, and over the top.  I am sure that there are more I could add to the list I just can't remember them all.

Now I can't say that being called any of those names wasn't hurtful to me.  I would be lying if I said they didn't sting just a tiny bit.  And I wouldn't want to chance being called a liar too.   I have been accused of "going through a mid-life crisis." Of course whoever said that hasn't taken time out of their day to confirm that with me so I guess they will never know.  Sucks for them because if I were we could really have some fun.  Usually people going through these types of crisis go on spending sprees. Their loss.......

Anywho......

I will be the first to tell you that I can be a bit on the impatient side and I am a very passionate person with anything I am involved in.  I believe if you are going to do something you might as well do it right and give it your all.  Maybe that is where the over the top comes from I really don't know and at this point don't give a damn. I will tell you this, watching a close friend lose her sixteen year old son to leukemia put a whole new perspective on the way I was living and wanted to live and changed my life for the better. 

Why do I tell this story? Well it is simple really...... I may still have a moment here and there with my self-doubt and if for one second I entertain any of the negative words being fired at me, then the 38 years that I spent trying to be a better person will have been wasted.  And quite frankly we are in a recession and I ain't wasting anything.

So I say to anyone who wants to talk, talk....I do not choose to answer to anything except: Mom, MaMa, Mommy, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend or Lover........... And those that call me these better expect that I am prepared to LIVE, not just exist.  I want all of them to be a part of my journey!                                                                          I will be wearing my red High Heels.

Sometimes The Other Guy is An Alright Guy

If These Heels Could Talk on this day they would say, "sometimes the other guy is an alright guy."        

For the last two weekends I have had the awesome pleasure of sitting in the hot Georgia heat to watch my youngest son Jacob and his team mates play in the All-Star tournaments. Last weekend was the tournament that would qualify us for the state tournament. The first and second place teams received a trip to the state tournament. We came in second last weekend and therefore won our trip.
 

I love old people and kids, it's the ones in  the middle that tend to rattle me. Last weekend I began a love hate relationship with the other team's third baseman.  Yes, I know he was only eleven years old, but let me say this, he already knew how to use his charm.

The relationship began when one of our players popped up and I yelled, "miss it!" as loud as I possibly could to the opposing team.  Of course I wished no ill will on this other team, but let's face it, all is fair in love and war.  And quite frankly, I wanted our team to win.   As I yelled "miss it", the eleven year old third baseman from the other team immediately looked at me, and if looks could or should kill, then I shouldn't be writing this story right now, ya'll should be throwing a party that I am no longer here to "tell it like it is."

Needless to say our relationship evolved even more when I was consistent with my encouragement for one of their players to "miss it" or "drop it" every time one of our players hit the ball.  And when I would dish it out he would give it right back to me. I got the evil eye every single time.

Now some may think that I was being mean and I assure you that this is not at all the case.  As I stated before, I love kids and old people and NEVER in a million years would I do anything to harm a child, I will however use whatever means necessary to encourage and motivate them.  Without even knowing the young man I could tell that he was very competitive and was even more determined to make sure that we had no runner on base.  I was merely encouraging him to work harder, and let me say, HE WORKED HARDER.

At one point he sneezed and I said, "God bless you." He looked over his right shoulder and said, "thank you." But I could tell it was like vinegar on the tongue and he really didn't want to say it, but apparently  his parents had raised him right and he knew a thank you was warranted. 

After all was said and done, his team won and he and his team mates shut me up. They were in first place and we were in second place.  I walked away with head hung low vowing to never see him again not realizing that we were destined to meet again. (I had already forgotten about the fact that the top two teams were going to State) 

This weekend began the State tournament and  as our boys were playing their second game of the day on Saturday another young group of boys who happened to be in between games came and sat in front of me and the rest of the parents.

I began to ask them how their day was going and could see that they were enjoying their weekend. I asked them who had they played last at which point one of the answered, "the white team." Not missing a beat I said, "hey hey now that's a little racist now don't cha think." A couple of them got the lame joke and a couple of others it took a second and then they all giggled. 

We all carried on for a few more minutes, me poking fun with them and enjoying their childish laughter. One of the young boys said, "hey we are rooting for y'all's team to win." And I replied, "well yea if you know what's good for you." And then we locked eyes and I realized it was him!!!! 

I was ecstatic!!! I said hey, "you're the team from last weekend and you are my third base friend." He smiled and nodded his head. But then I was confused because there were two of them. I felt like I was watching the movie Double Trouble all over again.  Identical twins played on the same team, one being a third baseman and one being a pitcher. 

I asked him why when he heard me yell, "miss it", did he give me such a mean look.  He told me, "because I am a very competitive person and I wanted my team to win.  And I of course said, "I knew that already, I could see it in how you played the game and that is an awesome trait to have." 

I still don't know my young friends name, nor does it matter what his name is.  I just know that even though he was the other guy he was an alright guy.  

When it was all said and done, their team beat us again in our third game on Saturday, eliminating our team from going farther.  I can honestly say that both teams gave it their all, his team just gave a little bit more to capture that win.  They didn't let anything hinder them from the prize at hand.

I congratulated my young friend after the game and told him to keep up the hard work. He just smiled, said "thank you", and walked away. 

In this life we will have curve balls and pop flys coming at us from all different  directions and if we aren't careful we will lose focus of the task at hand, which is ultimately to finish the game and score the most runs. The key is to keep our eye on the ball, swing level, run fast, slide head first when needed, and then knock it slam out of the park when we get that perfect pitch.  Of course every now and then it's best to  don your best pair of heels and yell from the sidelines offering up encouragement to all of those in your presence.