Things That Fire Up My Panties

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "some things are just not called for and can down right peeve and annoy the living day lights out of me."

I know I got you all excited by the title of this post, sorry for all you pervs out there this isn't a post about what gets me "fired" up.  What gets me "fired" is not of importance nor any one's business at this moment. 

What I am talking about is those things that down right annoy me, get under my skin, gets me hot under the collar, gets my panties in a wad, peeves the pee out of me, gets on my last nerve.... well you get the picture........ 

So as I am folding the mountain of clothes that my 17 year old son assured me that he would handle, I got to thinking, this right here is something that really gets me fired up.  Then I started thinking about other things that I just have zero tolerance for and I thought I would share with the world.  Some things you may agree on and some things you might think, "what the hell."  I do not pretend to me sane.

These are in no particular order and they all pretty much have the same affect on me.

1. DISHES LEFT IN THE SINK.  Oh this really gets me hot under the collar, especially since this is the year 2013 and we have a dishwasher.  When I was a kid we lived a whole year with no running water and dishes were
never left in the sink.

2. CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR.  Just not acceptable and down right lazy if you ask me.  We own hangars, we have closets, we have dressers. Put the clothes away.  When I was a kid my brothers and I shared one dresser that had 4 drawers in it.  We had no clothes on the floor.

3. A NASTY BATHROOM.  I can't stand it. I find it repulsive.  I know we go in the bathroom and what we have to do there is downright nasty, but I at least want my throne to be clean if I am sitting on it. 

4.  TOOTHPASTE LEFT IN THE SINK.  This goes a long with #3. This will send me straight over the cliff. We still have that same running water that helps clean those dishes referenced in #1, wash all those little germs right on down the drain please.

5.  CABINET DOORS LEFT OPEN.  Really not that hard to close them people. Open, Close, Open, Close.

6.  AN UNMADE BED.  I can not leave my house with my bed not made.  I don't care if I running so far behind and I couldn't catch up if you fast forwarded me into time.  I can't do it. There is not a ounce of energy in my body that will allow this to happen. If I die I don't want anyone to come in my house and accuse me of being a nasty white woman.  They can call me a crazy white woman all day long. Just don't call me a crazy nasty white woman.

7. DUST.  I hate dust and I can't stand if I am sitting and I can see dust on my floor or coffee table, etc..... I will immediately switch from relax mode to military drill sergeant inspecting with the white glove. 

8. TOWELS AND LINENS NOT FOLDED PROPERLY.  How hard is it really to fold all things in a uniform pattern?  How hard is it really that after you fold them properly to put them in the proper resting place.?  Towels with towels, rags with rags, hand towels with hand towels.  Really a simple process.

9. NOT PUTTING THINGS WHERE THEY BELONG.  This applies to the refrigerator, the pantry, shoes, hats, book bags.  The ketchup does not go on the same shelf as the milk.  The bread does not go beside the baked beans.  Your shoes do not go in my shoe closet. Hats belong on the hat rack not my counter.  Book bags do not belong right in front of the door so that I can trip over them when I come home from a 12 hour work day.

10. ASKING ME WHY I HAVE TO YELL WHEN GIVING INSTRUCTIONS.  Well you see I never start off yelling.  I usually start off with, " hey sweetie bring your clothes down and I will wash them."  Then I go to, "hey did you hear what I said, I said to bring your clothes down and I will wash them."  Then it finally escalades into something you see out of a Samuel L. Jackson movie or the Exorcist.  Because once it gets to this point I am yelling, "bring me the damn clothes down here before I rip every one of them to shreds and you will be going to school in nothing but your birthday suit."  (that is really the edited version of the situation)

I realize that in the grand scheme of life what I have referenced is probably not all that important to some and they function perfectly fine with none of these things ever affecting them.  I can only wish for such a day to arrive in my brain. 

Now to hop off of this and go fold the towels the right way. 

Dirty Laundry Abnormal Teenage Behavior

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "why the hell is my 17 year old up at 2:30 a.m. doing laundry?"

Growing up my mother basically taught me how to run a house hold.  She is very old school and therefore taught me that all matters of the house were to be tended to by the ladies of the house. So growing up my mother and I did everything in the house; the cooking, cleaning, laundry and even the yard work. 

I have watched and helped my mom chop wood, build the fire and cook a meal on the wood burning stove that she just started the fire on.  Yes I know that is some Little House on the Prairie crap.  But it is true. 

I never thought that how our house was ran was wrong and I never thought that because my mom and I did all the housework that I was missing out on something or that life wasn't fair.  It was the only way I knew. 

My brothers never had to do laundry until they left home in their late teens, early twenties. And if my mom couldn't do the cooking and cleaning and laundry for my brothers and dad while they were at home, then I was responsible for it.  Again, this really never bothered me, I actually did not mind. I remember being 12 years old standing in a chair at the stove frying cat fish.  Hey that was some good cat fish.

When I left home at 18 to join the Navy and I started to meet people from all over the country it was brought to my attention that not everyone lived the way my family lived.  I was in shock at times.  The first time I heard another woman tell her boyfriend/husband that he could make his own dinner I was appalled.  I thought to myself that is the worse woman I have ever met, what kind of woman would not make her man supper. 

Of course I think at times they thought I was straight up Mayberry. 

Anyway I have come to realize that it would be a huge dis-service to my boys if I didn't teach them how to do some things around the house.  So I have begun to teach them how to do the laundry. Especially my 17 year old.  But I will say that when he does do his own laundry I feel like I am not fulfilling my motherly duties  and that I should be doing his laundry. But I also think that one day he will be gone and I will not be there to do his laundry.  So I let it go. 

The other night I was awaken at 2:30 a.m. to the laundry room door opening and then I hear the dryer door slam.  And I think to myself, that could only be one person.  Part of me smiled and the other part of me was irritated because it was freaking 2:30 IN THE MORNING.  Why the hell is he up at 2:30 a.m. doing laundry and why couldn't he have brought down his laundry when I told him 12 hours earlier? At which point I would have graciously done all of his laundry.   

The thought process of teenagers at times is quiet disturbing.  I said to him the next morning, "could you have picked a more appropriate time to do the laundry?" and his reply was, "Oh I was up playing Xbox and remembered I needed to dry the clothes." 

Well alright then, there you have it.  Maybe not such abnormal behavior after all.  I guess most teenagers are doing laundry at 2:30 a.m. while playing the Xbox. 

Let's All Yell At Each Other

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "yelling is a much better form of communication at least that is what my kids think."

To sit down for a relaxing evening with my three kids is nearly impossible.  Not one thing can be decided without them arguing over what it is they are trying to decide. 

It usually begins with a friendly conversation and then it takes a turn for the worse right when they start to think they know more than the other one.  They do not speak to each other in the normal calm voice regardless of what it is they are discussing. 

I always thought how would it be if when I was speaking to  people if I would talk to them like my kids talk to each other.  It would be quiet humorous. 

Random person to me: "How are you today Angie?"

Me to random person: "Shut up you freaking idiot."

Random person to me:  "Hey can we watch another movie?"

Me to random person: "Shut up you freaking idiot."

And so you can see how these conversations continue.  It is almost as if they do not like each other at all.  Is this normal for siblings?  I don't know if I ever talked like that to my brothers or vice versa.  I know that we didn't always get along and still have our disagreements. 

I have tried to teach the kids that they should be each other's number one fan.  It doesn't mean that they are always going to agree with each other or even like each other at times.  But at the end of the day there are only a few people in this lifetime that you will be able to count on for support and it should include the ones you sit down with at the dinner table.

But I guess in the mean time, yelling will have to be the best form of communication.

Reality TV My Ass

If These Heels Could Talk on this day they would say, "reality TV is really not reality and I could put a camera on my shoulder and the world could see reality."

Just recently a couple of  my favorite lady friends and I  got together for a little drinky drink and some trash talking men relaxation....... It was so awesome!!! They made fun of my 5 inch heels and the fact that I brought Donald Trump with me to the party...... hey, I like expensive things..... What can I say...

 I miss seeing my ladies, they let me be exactly who I am, they embrace me, they laugh at me, and they tell me, "Girl you are so crazy."

If I had a half of cent for every time someone has called me crazy, well I wouldn't be writing this crap, I would be looooooonnnnnngggg gone...........

Crazy is as crazy does I say.......

I would love to let the world in on all of our conversations however that would take away from the specialness of the conversations that we have, therefore I will keep 99% of them to myself. 

We did however talk about Reality TV..... The Real Housewives of Atlanta.... psshhh.... That is some horse crap if I have ever seen it.....

Here is reality..... 60 hour work weeks....... Mom why doesn't the wifi work because my boys are waiting for me to hop on Call of Duty?, What is for dinner?, Mom can I have $50.00 to go to the Braves game because I have $100.00 but I don't want to break it?..... The chicken laid an egg..... I need a new pair of shoes....... Can I please go to a private school,?.... Mom, I need a new baseball glove, I lost mine?......

Hey kids, I need to go to the bathroom by myself can I have five minutes?...... Two minutes in.... Hey Mom!!!! Did you get my text?  Victor won't help with the dishes........

And that is all before 12 noon......... I know cats have been known for eating their kittens at birth, but what about Mothers.....

I am just kidding.... I wouldn't eat my kids.... I love them too much. And they caused me entire too much pain........And anything that has caused me that much pain, I become overly obsessive about and threaten every umpire and referee in a 50 mile radius of their life if they screw with them.

My lady friends and I all agreed that we WOULD LOVE, absolutely love to go shopping while being transported by a stretch limo and being fed grapes and booze......... I would not complain about that for one half of a minute......

And that is the damn truth......

Crazy Joe Expeditiously

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "one of my all time favorite movies is Lean On Me starring Morgan Freeman." 

I have seen this movie quiet a few times and for whatever reason today I just started thinking about the one scene where Morgan Freeman (a.k.a. Crazy Joe) and the young boy are on the roof top. 

In a nut shell he tells the young man that since he likes to smoke crack that he might as well just jump off the roof.  He tells him basically crack is a slow suicide and he shouldn't mess around with killing himself slowly he should just do it.

That is by far one of my favorite scenes from the movie.  A lot of people probably would look at this and think that he is being really cruel to the young man.  I don't think he was being cruel at all. He was being very firm and trying to get a point across to this young man. And if any of you have seen the movie, you know that it worked very well. This young man turned his life around.

Our country has become nothing but a bunch of soft, wearing my feelings on my sleeves, why didn't I get first place, you owe me everything when I don't deserve anything, don't want to work, slackers.

If an authoritative figure took this approach now, the parents that aren't even present in the kids life which probably caused him to turn to this lifestyle in the first place would want to be crying lawsuit.  Meanwhile our children are not structured, disciplined or God Fearing. 

A lot of the children now a days have absolutely no respect for any authoritative figure.  I was always taught to say yes ma'am and no ma'am.  And I don't care how bad I wanted to say something back, I best  keep my damn  mouth shut. 

We need a Crazy Joe sometimes.  Sometimes a Crazy Joe is just want the doctor ordered. 

I have said it before and I will say it again,  it truly takes a village to raise a child.  Unfortunately we live in a society where parents will cover for their children's behavior in fear of "looking bad."  They will blame everyone else except the person that is actually to blame. 

I am no where close to being perfect in the parenting department, however I have never cared what another individual thought when it came to me correcting my children's behavior. I know what lies ahead for them.  And if I can correct it now, then hopefully it will make things a little easier. 

And believe it or not, I think I would have taken this approach too.  People can call me mean, or hard or rough.  When it comes to the well-being of my children I will take any means necessary. 

I am not their best friend first, I am their mother first.  And I would do anything in the world for them, even tell them to Jump.

You see, What Had Happened Was.........

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "What the hell happened to my house?"

Let me set the stage.... o.k....... lights, camera, action......

Date:  06/25/2013 @ 11:30 p.m.

Victor: "hey mom a few of my friends are coming over tomorrow and we gone watch some movies and hang out is that aight with you."

Me: "oh who are they and what time are they coming over."

Victor: "oh about 10:30 a.m. and it's... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... we just gone hang out and watch some movies and stuff"

Me: "that is fine but please make sure you have it clean when they arrive and clean when they leave."

Victor: "Oh sure, you know I will."

Me: "o.k. goodnight love you."

Victor: "love you too."

Date: 06/26/2013 @ 9:00 a..m.

Me: dial Victor's cell that I pay for monthly, get no answer. (that is a shocker!)  wait a few minutes and try again and get no answer. (another shocker)

Victor: calls me back 15 minutes later

Me: I miss the call because I actually work for a living and can't just answer when he is available.

Victor: calls me back

Me: I answer

Victor: "my phone wouldn't answer for some reason, that's weird." (yea, his ass was sleeping)

Me: "oh o.k. well do you have any money because if you do go ahead and send someone to pick up some drinks and snacks  and I will pay you back, enjoy your day with your friends." (why am I even paying him back, I dunno)

Victor: "o.k. mom I love you." 

Me: "love you too."

Date: 06/26/2013 @ 8:09 p.m.

Me: arrive at house after working 12 hours and dealing with some exhausting situations, walk in the front door and immediately feel blood pressure rise.  "What the bleepity, bleep, bleep happened to the bleepity, bleep, bleep house.?!"

Kayla: "hmmmmm Victor left with his friend after they got done with all three movies."

Poor Kayla, she got the wrath and nothing was her fault.  Thirteen teenagers ranging from 15 to 19, and then Jacob in the mix.   Cups everywhere, stuffing from my decorative pillows everywhere (what did my pillows do to anyone), dirt all on the floor and carpet. Did they just drag their feet through the yard and decide to shake them off in the house? 

Now, I have no issue with young teenagers
enjoying life and I would definitely much rather my children be at home rather than out in the streets. I am very blessed with that, however, specific instructions were that the house be clean before they arrive (which I had already done) and the house be clean when the leave. (which was not done)

So What Had Happened Was..... someone had something else on the agenda and now Mom is indulging in an alcoholic beverage while cleaning up.   Yes I know people..... I should make him do it. But he's not here!!! And everyone knows that I am OCD about my house. I can't stand it, ain't going to leave it dirty, can't sleep if it is..........

So while I am cleaning, ya'll kick your fancy high  heels up and enjoy a little R & R........

I will be back a little later.

It Was All a Misunderstanding

If These Heels Could Talk they would say that sometimes what is being said is not what is really meant but adding a sexual innuendo always makes the conversation funnier. 

I will stage the situation -

I am sitting in my beach chair at the ballgame being as quiet as a mouse and minding my own business. (Not really)

My friend is sitting by me and is just talking my head off (Not really, it is actually the other way around) .... I mean really I came to watch the game not listen to constant ramblings about useless information.(Is what she was thinking)   But I love her in spite of her issue.  (Thank God she still loves me, she has an awesome pool and pool house, I need more friends like her)

So I pretend to listen and fight back the urge to yawn. (She never yawned)

A fellow bystander also known as our friend is answering his phone and this is where it all goes south.........

him on the phone: "Hey what you doing? Oh you just got done bush hogging."

me to my friend: "Oh so that is what we are calling it now a days."

friend to me: "I thought it used to be called baseball, you know 1st, 2nd, 3rd base, homerun and an occasional grandslam."

me and my friend: "bahahahahahahah....bahahahahahahahahaha..... bahahahahahahahah

him on the phone: clueless to our inside joke

We made a Heel Out of Him..........not really, we let him in on the joke later at the PARTAY!!

I've Got My Heels Up - Life is Grand

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "after a long day of baseball games, nail biting innings, Georgia no-see-ums eating us alive, sweating it out in the hot humid  Georgia sun, we need to prop up and relax."

Who says that The Real Baseball Moms can't have their fun too? 

Nothing but inappropriate jokes told, laughing until our belly's hurt, tears in our eyes, feeling blessed and beautiful to be raising such talented smart young men moments last night. 

Some of the moms from the team decided we needed to unwind and enjoy the super moon and each other's awesome company while  partaking in an adult beverage or two. 

Now the reason there is no picture of the rest of the ladies is because they said they weren't ready for pictures. However my sweet daughter and son had no problem posing with their MaMa.

I  think I'm slipping on the training of The Real Baseball Moms of PC. 

Girls you have to always be camera ready, after all the world is our stage.