When Cooters Catch On Fire

If These Heels Could Talk they would say, "just when you thought you had heard it all, there is another story that makes you say, damn."

This past Saturday I was with family and friends.  We had a family member visiting from New Jersey.  We all sat around having a drink or two and telling a story or two.   I am not sure how we got on the subject that we did, however after hearing this woman's story I am just not sure that I have heard it all. I told her that I had stories but this one, well it was awesome. 

She told me that her husband had called her during the day time to remind her to pick some of the habanero peppers he had been growing.   So as any good wife would do, she proceeded to pick the peppers. 

After picking the peppers she went into the kitchen and started to prepare them. ( I am still not sure what she was preparing them for, anyway)  As the heat came from the peppers she began to get a tickle in her throat, and before you know it she was coughing a lot. 

Now any woman that has had more than one child will tell you, the bladder tends to get a little weak.  And my friend, well she has had four children, therefore the more she coughed...... the more the bladder gave in.... so she scurried off to the little cow girls room to handle some personal business.

She reaches for the tissue, wipes as all ladies would and the next thing you know... THE COOTER IS ON FIRE!!!  The juices from the peppers had transferred to the tissues that she was using. And her nether regions were experiencing what it was like for habanero pepper and flesh to meet.    In a panic she called her "fireman" to tell him that the "cooter" was on fire.  And as any concerned fireman would be, he asked her if there was any milk in the house.  (Are you kidding me?)

At this point I said, "please tell me you did not pour milk on your cooter?"

She said, "no even better."  " I took the jug of buttermilk, poured it in a bowl, sat over the bowl in the kitchen and splashed my cooter with it." 

She said, "it was either that or the yogurt."

Wow...... I have seen a lot of crazy stuff in my life... .I have heard a lot of crazy stuff in my life.... but never have I witnessed a cooter being splashed with buttermilk.

I told her husband this, "the next time your woman calls you and says that her cooter is on fire, you break loose and put that flame out like a real fireman."