I Never Was a Smoker and Pork Chops

If These Heels Could Talk they would tell you, "I never was a smoker."

I always wonder how anyone becomes addicted to nicotine.  Now before anyone gets their panties or whitey tighties in a wad, I ain't judging, just looking for clarification.

I tried to smoke a cigarette at the age of 13 thanks to an older cousin that had swiped one off of a parent or another friend, I don't know and I suppose I  really don't  care where she got it. All I know is that the first toke off of that God awful thing was hell. My lungs were on fire and I felt horrible and it left a major after taste in my mouth.  There was no high, rush or good feeling that some people speak of, just a headache. And there is no fun in a headache, burning lungs or bad breath.

I guess one reason for my lack of understanding is there was nothing pleasant or tasty about this experience, unlike a drink of Vodka and Grapefruit. That on the other hand can be tasty,  easy to go down and there was no burning of the lungs.  I guess if I drink too much of it I would get an awful taste in my mouth but nothing like that toke on that cigarette.  And nothing a breath mint might not assist with.

Looking back on this experience I often wonder why I even thought about trying to smoke.  I never have thought that it was an attractive trait, not even at an early age.  I am not the type that does things just to be "cool."  When I do something I do it for no other reason but pleasure, excitement, fun, entertainment, etc... You get the picture.  If I just happen to appear cool through the eyes of others well that is on them and not me.

Another reason I find it strange that I would even attempt my hand at smoking is because I HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED that both of my parents smoked.  Of course just about every house/trailer that we resided it had no central heat and air.  Well come to think of it, none of them had central heat and air, therefore our method of heat was a wood burning stove or a kerosene heater. 

Now I am not sure if anyone has lived in a home with a wood burning stove for heat, but I will say that it is not like your little precious fire places with your pretty little mantels that you have sitting there just for looks.  Nope our wood burning stoves were put to good use in the winter months.  And I will say that they will heat a 500 square foot single wide trailer very well.  The problem I had is that whenever you had to reload the sucker with wood, well smoke would most of the time come billowing right on out of there.

The smoke would saturate everything in its presence.  Your hair, your clothes, your skin, your lungs, your eyes...... everything........ nothing was spared, not even the snake that was hiding in the bathroom (you will have to read the previous post if you want to know about the snake.)

So there I would be trying to get ready for school, trying to look half way cute and smelling like a damn burnt pork chop.  How the hell is anyone supposed to try to look cute smelling like a burnt pork chop?  Quiet frankly I got so tired of people asking if we cooked pork chops everyday I just starting telling them my mom really liked cooking them and they were easy for breakfast. (lie like a dog I did, not sure why, I still smelled bad)  

Between two parents that smoked and that wood burning heater, I had no chance of looking like anything. Maybe that is why I never had a boyfriend growing up, it is all starting to come together now.  As with most everything in society I shall blame someone else for my relationship issues. 

And here I am now, still not smoking, still not going to smoke. I have no fireplace or wood burning stove and I have no desire to have a fireplace or wood burning stove unless they are fake.

I do however need a new pair of heels.  These below would be PERFECT.